what i have come to terms with...

(Part 4: My vocal cords)

Yes, my voice is probably the most distinct part of me, or at least the part that has gotten the most comments from people. I think I became really conscious of it sometime during high school, when people would ask me if I was faking my voice. I would reply, 'No... Should I be?' It didn't really bother me up until the Mu Alpha Theta Tournament my school was holding. Nobody wanted to be the announcer, so like a good officer, I volunteered, which was most unfortunate. Many people during that tournament complained about how high-pitched my voice sounded over the PA system.

And I don't know what really got me into working at the station. It was probably because of all the music and plus Sam was having lots of fun there. It is a little strange that I chose to pursue something that would leave me naked with just my voice. Anyway, it has been a pretty sweet experience. I've been exposed to a ton of music and my sense of taste has definitely been tuned. And about the people who call in during my show, the 'response' to my voice has been fairly positive. There was only one person who called in to tell me that I sucked. But then I just told him that I would talk less, and then took a 5 minute talk break.

So what made me want to write this entry, you ask? Well... I got an aggravated voice mail from a lady named Eva, an angry Nashville resident, who while listening to my show had enough energy and passion to go to our website, get the telephone number and pick up the phone and call to tell me that my voice was 'babyish' and hope that I would be kicked off the air. When I first heard the message, I was livid. I was shaking, and I couldn't even write any more or do any work. And those of you who know me, I don't really express my angry very well -- verbally or emotionally. So I impulsively gave her a call (I should have hung up) and had a short chat with her. It went kind of like this:

Me: Hello, is Eva there?
Her: Yes, this is she.
M: Did you call WRVU on Thursday night to insult the DJ?
H: Um... Yes, I think so.
M: Well, I'm the music director here and you just insulted me. Do you know that we do this on a volunteer-basis? And obviously we are all here for the music, and we are not on the air to be talking about ourselves. And obviously, I can't really help speaking the way I speak.
H: Well you should get a voice coach.
M: Well I don't intend on singing or going into Radio.
H: Your voice is just irritating and you drop your constants.
M: Just to be sure, don't ever call one of our other DJs and think that you can insult them like that.
H: No, it's just you.
M: Your comment has been taken. Thanks.

So I shouldn't have called back, but I really couldn't help it... And I probably should have made up a story about how I lost my voice when somebody tried to choke me to death and after 20 years of rehabilitation I was finally able to talk again. Yeah right.... Then oddly enough we talked about Anger Management in Health Psychology and practiced "relaxation techniques" (oh brother...)

Anyway, it's really strange because it's hard to judge my own voice and hear what others hear when they listen. I hope that if I have offended you in some way with the pitch, tone or the way I speak, I apologize, but I really can't help it. But if I had a chance to change it, I don't think I would. It's something unique I have, and I guess I'll just have to deal with people, who have problems with it. And remember that it's just a petty thing that they are trying to do -- what are the point of insults to strangers anyway?

I just wonder if my voice has had an effect on who I'm friends with and what I do. I mean obviously, if it hurts to listen to me, you'd obviously not want to be my friend. Anyway, that little voice mail made me really feel terrible, but I think after writing about it, I see how stupid the whole event really was. I'll just not call back the next time that happens and like Daniel said, try to not let it get under my skin, though that might be tough -- I'm a pretty sensitive person when it comes to things like this.